VIEWPOINTS: Patriarchy prevails

By Penny J. Rice | Wednesday, October 7, 2009 11:24 PM CDT

I don’t talk about it because I’m trying to be politically correct or trying to indoctrinate others into my way of thinking. I talk about it because it is present in everyone’s lives — daily. I talk about it because it comes with consequences — consequences that can be costly and even deadly.

I talked about it because the consequences are felt by everyone. I talk about it because it goes unnoticed, unacknowledged and undisturbed.

There are those that would say we are over it and that I need to move on and let it go. There are those who would say I’m exaggerating things and just trying to make something out of nothing. We haven’t gotten over it. We are far from being in a place as a society to move on. The costs and consequences remain high for ignoring or denying it — for everyone.

Let me give you examples of the “it” I’m talking about.

Imagine sitting in a meeting discussing a topic you have several valuable thoughts to contribute. You make a comment about the issue being discussed and your contribution is ignored. You attempt again to make your point and this time you are a bit more assertive or passionate. Again your contribution is ignored. A few minutes later a colleague states, “Without getting too emotional about this...” and the group meeting has a chuckle referring to your attempts to be heard.

Your colleague follows with the exact point you made, except this time the contribution is heard, acknowledged and incorporated into the discussion.

Here’s another example, you are in a large lecture hall for a required class in your major. You generally sit toward the back of the room next to a friend in the same major. You have completed the readings for the lecture but have several questions that you ask when the professor inquires.

You ask two or three questions and get the same response from the professor – “Are you kidding me? You can get that from the reading. Next question.” The students sitting near you and your friend whisper “I had the same question, what’s up with that?” As the professor begins to begin the lecture for the day, you write down two more questions on a slip of paper and ask your friend to ask them. Your friend does and the professor’s response is, “Great question! I’m so glad you brought this up!” Another example? This one shows the extreme consequences of “it.” A student walks into my office and states, “I think my partner is going to kill me,” and proceeds to talk about daily abuse, pain, fear and helplessness.

The partner is also a student at Iowa State. Some of the possible outcomes of this situation: Two partners are dead, one by murder and the other by suicide; one partner is dead and one eventually arrested; the abusive partner gets the help needed to understand that these actions do not represent love or the abuse continues and causes neighbors, friends and family concern. I wish this example was an anomaly, but it is something that happens daily in our community.

What I’m talking about is patriarchy. Being socialized within a patriarchal culture tells girls and boys how they are supposed to act and how they are supposed to be. Patriarchy is the system that says using male pronouns is normal; that research conducted on men can be translated to women – even if that makes women wrong, odd or abnormal. Patriarchy seeps into every aspect of our lives – relationships, work, politics, education, religion – it is systemic, institutionalized and has become normalized.

In  “The Gender Knot: Unraveling Our Patriarchal Legacy,” author Allan Johnson highlights that patriarchy positions a woman in the role of an object that must be controlled. Patriarchy positions men in the role of being in control of themselves, their environment and of women.

Women and men have been socialized in the same system — with contradicting and conflicting messages. The consequence of this socialization creates unearned privilege to the human who is perceived as male and oppression of the human who is perceived as female. The continuing harm of patriarchy ranges from being ignored or disrespected in the classroom to your being a victim of a colleague abusing, assaulting or killing you.

The cost of patriarchy not being recognized and disrupted for men include restricted emotions; sex disconnected from intimacy; strength and aggression at the cost of interconnection and increased risky behaviors to prove your masculinity, resulting in increased self-harm, possible civil or judicial cases and jail time. The cost of patriarchy going unchecked for women includes sexual assault, physical abuse and death.

According to a 2005 U.S. Department of Justice report entitled, “Sexual assault on campus: What colleges and universities are doing about it,” for every 1,000 female college students, 35 are predicted to be victims of sexual assault, with between 80 and 90 percent of the victims knowing their assailants.

Information from the Iowa Attorney General’s Office, Crime Victim Assistance Division indicates since 1995 there have 200 women, children and men in the State of Iowa have died at the hand of someone who said they loved them.

 The cost denying that patriarchy remains in our daily lives for both women and men includes the increased use of alcohol and drugs, eating disorders, mental health issues and challenged relationships –— both personal and professional.

It is in your classrooms, workplace, homes and activities with others. It is presented to you through your interactions with peers, television, movies, music and advertisements.

I don’t need to indoctrinate anyone — that has already been accomplished and is repeatedly affirmed throughout your daily lives.

Patriarchy hasn’t gone away; we are far from being over it. I can’t ignore it and you can’t afford to either.

Penny J. Rice is a director for Margaret Sloss Womens Center



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