My children were four and one years old (1989) when their Dad and I separated and eventually divorced. The first six to nine months after we parted, his time with the kids was somewhat unpredictable. When a schedule was established the kids were with their Dad every other weekend and alternating holidays. Some of the toughest moments during these years was peeling my son, the one year old, off my body to release him to his Dad. As the kids grew older the transition better homes was easier; however it never went without challenges. I admire the bravery it took for my children to pack their bags, leave their friends, spend hours in the care, and many years of their lives uncertain, confused, troubled, and sad. I can't change the past and did my best to take care of their childhood. They continued to be brave and courageous as they moved into the teens and shifted when and how they choose to visit their Dad's house. I watched them struggle with decisions to not visit and not visit. I witnessed their struggle to care for themselves and maintain a connection to their Dad and their sister and brother. At times it appeared there were no answers, and yet, they continue to find a way to continue to make it work. I admired their ability to try and make it work. I admire the young children there were and the young adults they have become. Perhaps these life experiences were an important part of their character building - I wonder sometimes who they might be without the divorce. We talk about it and wonder...it doesn't really result in any resolution.
When I thought I had witnessed the more remarkable bravery in someone I admired, the two of them surprised me. On February 1, 2007 word about their Dad's death at Camp Adder, Iraq was received by an Army Causality Assistance Officer and Chaplin. Both kids were still in Ames but not living at home. It took some time for me to prepare myself to be there for their grief when the news was announced. Liza and her now husband received the news first. Scott was gathered by Dan and brought to the house where he received the news. After a few minutes of talking and some awkward moments of painful silence, Scott stepped forward and shook the hand of the messenger and said, "Thank you, I believe we have all we need for now." He leaned over to his sister and put his arm around her shoulder.
I have never witnessed the bravery it took to withstand this news. They went on to reconnect with family members, and attend the funeral of their Dad at the ages of 21 and 18 years. My kids acted with bravery in these moments. They have the best part of their Dad in them - bravery, courage, dedication, stubbornness, and tenderness. It was good character to parent and raise into amazing young adults. May the rest of their life be the easy part. They have had their share of needing to be strong and brave.
I admire, respect, and honor my two amazing children - Elizabeth Anne Goldapp and M. Scott Mettille and I am grateful for the 10 years your Dad and I were together. I have the best part of him still in my life.
Mwah AaaH!! I love you!
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