What's the longest you've been without sleep? #postaday2011

Four days. The exact dates were February 1, 2, 3 and 4, 2007.

On February 1 at 7:30 pm two Army Officers (one a chaplain and one a Casualty Assistance Officer knocked on our door. I was home alone at the time. When I opened the door they asked for Michael Mettille (the father of my children and my son's - M. Scott - name). Mike was on active duty stationed on Iraq. When I clarified that they needed to talk to my son, I slammed the door in their face. I knew what they were about to tell me. I knew that my children's lives were about to change forever. They waited and I opened the door and invited them in. They asked to speak with Michael Scott and Elizabeth Anne Mettille (my daughter). Both were living in Ames at the time, Liza and I had just hung up the phone before the knock on the door. As they explained who they were and why they needed to talk with my children, I couldn't stand. I couldn't think. I couldn't process any other information other than that Mike had lost his life while serving his country.

The rest of this story is not mine to tell. My children's lives changed in that moment - Liza was 21 and Scott 18. Mike was 44, a proud soldier and Father.

What can't you say no to? #postaday2011

And the word "challenge" to just about anything and I struggle to say no to it. For example, I was invited by a friend to take part in a "21 day meditation challenge" - 21 days is generally what it takes to break or start a habit - and I took that challenge and completed it well! And then I just as quickly stopped meditating. I missed the lesson learned in the process because I was focused on "the challenge." Another example is the "Post-A-Day" Challenge from Word Press. I am hopeful that I will continue with this even after the prompts cease. I might challenge myself to do so. I am also struggle when someone says, "I dare you" and "I double dare you." I'm not sure what all that is about. Now that I have shared this information, please use caution when challenging and daring me. I'll do my best to do what is best for me!  

What's your hidden talent? What is the skill or ability you have people are always surprised to learn you posses? What hidden talent do you wish you had? #postaday2011

Hidden talents:

• Touch my nose with my tongue - it is a genetic phenomenon, one of the fascinating things I inherited from my Mom's side.
• I can whistle like a song bird or a cell phone - depending upon your generation. I used to whistle in high school during tests to mess with the teacher. I never got caught. It got to be dangerous when a few friends learned that it was me whistling and they would start giggling - totally ruining the fun I was having.
• I can change my voice to speak like a little child, not in a tiny and soft voice, but more like a cartoon character of a child's voice. This hidden talent comes in handy when I read children books. 

A skill or ability I have that people are surprised to learn I possess:

• I play the piano, American Indian flute, and clarinet.
• I love yoga and knitting (I think this has something to do with sitting still and being peaceful, apparently folks don't "see" me in this light).
• I like math and puzzle problems - and can solve them pretty well.

What hidden talent do I wish I possessed:

• I would love to be able to play the guitar and ukulele.
• I would love to sing well - just open my mouth and have beautiful sounds come out (that others would enjoy, I sing for my own amusement).
• I would love to learn how to draw and paint well with watercolors.
• I would love to learn how to relax without trying so hard at it.

What is the smallest thing near you? Write a paragraph about it. #postaday2011

Crumbs from a mysterious source. They could be from popcorn, dog biscuits, toast, or pizza. I suppose we don't vacuum enough - but we do when company have scheduled a planned visit. I wonder about those automatic vacuums are about the size of a dinner plate - you turn it on and it rolls about the room and collect crumbs from mysterious sources. I wonder if these machines make life easier - I wonder if this results in more unexpected company? A crumb....the smallest thing near me at the moment. 

What was the last time you did a random act of kindness? @postaday2011

I tend to keep an "eye out" on my surroundings - where I am, who is around me, what others are doing, etc. This can lead to some interesting observations and at times, helpful ones. I see people drop things a lot and let them know. Sometimes they drop currency and I let them know. I see people who could benefit from a door held open for them, from a hand carrying something, or picking up something they have dropped. I see people who may benefit from directions to a location (sometimes I'm even helpful giving directions!) and people who look like they could use a "hello" or a smile - and I share one with them. I like how cashiers, wait staff, and others in customer service ask me about my day. I like to ask them how their day is in return. I hope all of these actions are taken as random acts of kindness. That is the intention of my actions. In return, my day is better and I hope other's days are better because of the actions too.

What gets better with age? #postaday2011

Everything gets better with age, for example:

• Understanding life
• Knowing myself
• Appreciating others
• Enjoying the little things in life
• Confidence
• Assertiveness
• Sex
• Peacefulness
• Security
• Ability to know this will pass - good times and not so good times
• Learning lessons...the first time
• Empowered and releasing the need to take power
• Even the loss of life is better/easier with age - you learn that this is a part of life and something that you can't control, avoid, or ignore
• Needs and wants get better with age. What seemed like wants when I was younger have changed. What were needs have been fulfilled.
• Fear has nearly gone and been replaced with peace.

If you could have anything to eat right now, what would it be? Bonus: 1) Assume price is no object. 2) If you could eat this food with anyone alive or who has ever lived, who would it be? 3) Find and share a photo of what you'd like to eat or the person from #2. #postaday2011

Without the "bonus" prompts this was a difficult one to write a response. I can't say that I want to eat lutefisk and lesfe right now. The food isn't something that I crave. The price isn't really something that prevents me from eating this either - although I've never purchased lutefisk, I'm pretty sure it is affordable, although perhaps a seasonal food. Lefse is something my parents make every winter, something that I've been taught to make but haven't ever attempted making it without Mom there. It is the second part of the bonus that was the catalyst for my response and the food. I would love to eat lutefisk and lefse with Grandma Lucy right now. Grandma Lucy always had Christmas Eve dinner at her place with my family. The adults ate oyster stew and the kids had frozen pizza. It was always happy, safe, and loving at Grandma Lucy's. Grandpa had passed away when I was just turning 10 years old and we spent a lot of time with Grandma Lucy, living just four blocks away. One Christmas when I was in my early teens I requested that Grandma make lutefisk for Christmas Eve dinner. I had heard so much about it growing up, but had never tasted it. She was so excited! I can't say that lutefish tastes good - particularly with the smell that goes along with cooking the fish - but the memories that lutefisk and lefse bring back about Grandma Lucy, the love, the acceptance, the care.....are so sweet! [I don't have a picture of Grandma Lucy scanned, I will add this soon.]

What keeps you up at night? #postaday2011

I have mentioned my lifetime battle with insomnia. It has never really been "something" keeping me in, but rather my bodies inability to shut off at night...every night. I would wait until 3, 4 or 5 am to begin crawling into bed to avoid hours of tossing and turning. Instead I would stay up and get things done: baking, cleaning, reading, writing, etc. 

The bonus prompt to this daily post is: What helps you forget about what keeps you up at night? And my response is prescribed medication. Attempting to function sleep deprived is no longer an option for me. I can't function like I thought I did when I was younger. So, I've ended this struggle with prescribed medication and the world has never looked so sweet! 

How do you decide when a post is ready to publish? #postaday

I've been away taking care of my life. I have few moments this morning and decided to catch up on blog prompts.

I don't spend a lot of time thinking, writing, editing, and preparing a post before publishing. I write it all in one sitting. I read it through once (maybe) to make sure it makes sense and  then I use the spell check. Then it is ready to post. Sometime I will add pictures but not all the time - sometimes finding pictures is the hardest part of publishing the blog, so I don't do it. I use the prompts given and write about the first thing that comes to mind. If I find myself fussing about what I'm writing and push myself to write about the first thought and get it done.

That's it! 

Describe the best road trip you've ever taken. #postaday2011

It was 20 years ago this year. My sister, Lisa, was living in Connecticut with her boyfriend, Bill. He had been diagnosed with leukemia a few years earlier and had three marrow transplants that were unsuccessful. Bill passed in March at Sloan Ketterling Hospital in New York City. Lisa tried to live in CT by herself, but the bills were greater than her income. It broke her heart to leave Bill in CT, but she finally decided she needed to return closer to family and find employment that paid her livable wages.

Tim, Molly (pet dog), and Emily (favorite daughter).

My brother Tim and I drove to CT that spring - it seems to me it was around July 4, but I could be wrong. Tim had a Ford Ranger truck. It was great fun to drive. This was the first time since our older brother Scott had passed away that the three of us had time and the opportunity to talk about "that time" ten years earlier. Our family wasn't very good at having the conversations that need to be had. Denial tended to work better from our perspective. However, when Tim and I had the time in the truck, conversation didn't stop! It was wonderful!

We arrived at Lisa's after driving without stopping from Madison, WI to Waterbury, CT. What I remember most about this first visit to their place was this hand held game that had Tetris on it. I played it for hours after everyone else when to bed. I should have been tired but I couldn't stop. My thumbs were so sore the next day.

We spent the next day getting things packed up for Lisa, visiting friends of her's and Bill's, and visiting Bill's family. Lisa and Bill were loved by so many people. It seems like we packed and drove out the next day, having a bit of pizza and pop before leaving at 10:30 am. Tim drove the U-Haul with Lisa's red Mazda 323 towed behind it. Lisa and I drove the Ford Pick-up. Off we went - thinking we would drive all night and stop for breakfast in East Lansing, MI at our Aunt's house. Somewhere in Ohio, about 8:30 am, I started not feeling so good. I had Pepsi and Twizzlers all night to stay awake and now I felt like I might throw up or explode....jittery and a bit anxious. Sugar and caffeine is a deadly combination.

So Lisa kicked me out of the truck and told me to find someplace that was still serving breakfast. So, there I was on a street in an unknown town, clutching the map, and panicking that I might not find food....NOW!! Lisa and Time were parking the trucks but hadn't found me yet. The City Police did find me and were very eager to "help me" find what I was looking for - food and a bit of rest. I wonder what they thought about me?

Jim and Lisa Jorgensen (my sister!)

We have a delicious, hearty breakfast (no coffee) and get back on the road. Now, remember I am in charge of map reading and directions. Tim follows Lisa and I as we navigate ourselves back to the freeway. I'm struggling to read the map and make sense of how to determine if an intersection would have an entrance onto the freeway or not. We did a mile and a half square THREE times before Tim flashed his lights to tell us to pull over this was before cell phones). I thought he was going to get mad at us...me...but he rolled out of the U-Haul and said, "Is that the same school that we have gone by three times?" "Yes" was my quiet response. "I'm sorry Tim, I'm tired and my brain won't work." He starts giggling and giggling and there Lisa started and soon we were all rolling in the bed of the Ford laughing and looking like we might need hospitalization. We let the giggles out and started talking about the rest of the trip. We decided talking the detour to Michigan was going to take too much time and we were really enjoying the time alone (we would rotate who drive alone) and what were finally had time to talk about - our brother Scott. So after bit of a rest, we returned to driving and talking and getting Lisa home.

It was a quick trip with my little brother and sister. It was a joy because we hadn't had this kind of time together for many, many years. It was good because we needed to talk about Scott. We needed to stop being quiet about Scott. We all missed him terribly and we needed to fill in the gaps of each other's memories. I loved the trip even though I despise driving. The company and conversation got me through the trip I'll never forget.

Penny and Dan Rice

Not to self: Get a picture of your brother, sister. and you.

When you're feeling down, what music cheers you up? #postaday2011

FYI: I skipped a few days from #postaday2011 - I didn't care for the prompts given and I was too much in my head to write.

Gift from Liza

When I'm feeling down music does help cheer me up - sometimes. If I play the piano or my Native American Flute, a gift to myself, my mood changes, sometimes it improves and sometimes I tend to stay in the place that the mood has taken me to a bit longer. I also try to play a harmonica that I've had for year (not very successfully, but that isn't the point) and my ukulele, a very thoughtful gift from my daughter Liza, which is a much different instrument from the piano and flute and I struggle to understand the notes and chords - but I enjoy the struggle!

Gift to myself 

Gift from Mom & Dad

Playing music, as an escape or for entertainment, is a gift from my parents. Knowing how to play the piano was something of a priority for my Mother. She always wished she had learned. Her Mother, my Grandma Lucy, played the piano by ear. It was magical to watch her in a song and then play it on the piano. I started lessons is second grade - 30 minutes a week - with 30 minutes of practice a day. Mom was good at shooing me into the piano room to practice. Lessons were expensive for our working class family. I appreciate the sacrifices they must have had make to get the used upright piano, pay for lessons, and purchase what seemed like an endless need of piano books. I took piano lessons until I graduated from high school. In the fifth grade I was able to take one year of clarinet and then had to decide between the two instruments - piano won! After high school I didn't have much time to play and didn't have a piano. Just before I turned 30 my parents shipped the old upright to my home in Zumbrota, MN. It was such a kind, thoughtful gift! I loved having the opportunity to sit down and play and loved watching the kids enjoy the sounds from the piano. Shortly after the arrival of the piano I divorced my husband and the kids and I moved away. The piano wasn't something I could afford the space for or the shipping of, so it was sold. It saddened me to lose this piece of my history. A few years ago a graduate student was graduating from ISU and needed someone to take his beat-on spinet piano. My daughter, her fiance, partner, and I moved the piano down three flights of steps, onto an open bed truck, and into our living room. The piano was ugly but the joy of playing it overshadowed it's appearance. My Mother didn't think I should have such an ugly piece of furniture in our living room and decided that she and Dad would replace this with a used piano to celebrate completing my PhD. The piano is beautiful and the thought and kindness of my parents continuing to give me music is touching. 


My son, Scott, recorded me playing my Native American Flute and choreographed a modern dance piece to the music. I was proud to be a part of his creative genius! 


I am cheered up when I play musical instruments. When this isn't an option, the music that I turn includes:

• The Beatles
• John Lennon
• ABBA
• Queen
• Eva Cassiday
• Black Eyed Peas: Where is the Love, I Gotta Feeling
• Israel Kamakaowiwo'ol - Somewhere Over the Rainbow and Wonderful World
• "Smile" by Charlie Chaplin
• "Always Look on the Bright Side of Life" by Monty Python

Yep, that is a loon on my flute!
It makes me think of Minnesota - home! 

What's the most trouble you've ever been in? #postaday2011

It was 1973 and I was 13 years old. A friend was having a 13th birthday party/sleepover one Friday evening. There were 13 of us at the party in a home on the edge of city limits - Austin, MN had a population of about 26,000 at the time. 

We started the evening by having pizza and the birthday girl opened her gifts. Then it was decided that we needed to go for a walk in the cemetery nearby. All 13 of us started walking along the side of the road toward the cemetery (I would guess this was approximately a quarter of a mile). It was just beginning to get dark and traffic was pretty light. 

As we began to get closer to our destination one of the 13 said, "Hey, let's all moon the next car." Two girls decided this was a great idea and proceeded to drops their pants and moon the car. The other 11 girls realized, with a significant amount of horror, that the car being mooned was a Police vehicle. The Police turned on their flashy lights as the turned the car around. The two girls who mooned the cop ran across the street to the heavily wooded area, while the rest of us ran to the cemetery and attempted to hide behind one, large headstone. The Police pulled into the cemetery and asked us to step out from behind the stone. As we did one of my friend's whispered, "Oh no, I've peed my pants" and another said "I broke my glasses and can't find my lens" (it was the 70s and if we had glasses they were wire-rims). 

The Police instructed us that we had broken the law and that they were going to take us into the station and book us for indecent exposure. The tears began to flow from many, some of us tried to reason with the officer, and all 11 of us climbed into the back of the squad car. On our trip to the station I continued to attempt to reason with the officer and there was no negotiating. 

We were all brought into a room and told to wait. This was the longest wait in my life! About 5 minutes later two officers (different from those who brought us to the station) entered the room and one said, "All right, here is what we are going to do. We are going to take your names and tomorrow all of your parents will be called about tonight. We are going to let you go for now and you and 30 minutes to get home before the 10:30 pm curfew for minors. I suggest you all talk with your parents about what happened tonight so no one is surprised tomorrow." We all left and ran the 2 - 3 mile distance from the station to the sleepover/birthday party.The Police drove by us every so often as we ran back to the house we were staying at. I remember that made me feel safer - after the excitement of that evening, the night suddenly didn't feel so good.

The two girls who ran into the woods (and had gotten all of us in this mess) were outside the house waiting, worrying, and wondering what to do. We all went back inside the party and headed to the basement to talk. I don't recall what was decided but I was the only one of us that told my parents. The others figured the Police won't call and even if they did, they would just wait to let their parents know what happened. So, I was the only one of 13 that was grounded - for 6 parties (an eternity!) and no telephone for two weeks. The others thought I was pretty stupid for telling my parents. I thought they would laugh at the incident since I hadn't mooned the cop. They weren't happy with me - probably more scared than angry. The Police never called any of the parents. 

Thankfully my friends invited me to several parties that weren't really parties and my sentence was shortened. My family still gives me a hard time about this. I got very tired of hearing "Moon River" over and over as I grew up. 

One of the two who mooned the cop married a minister. I wonder what her children have done to cause her to worry? I wonder what the cops were thinking that night? I suppose they had a good laugh! Many of the parents of the 13 were good friends. I wonder now if my parents ever talked about this night with the other parents. 

This was the most trouble I've been in....well, the most trouble that I'm willing to share here!! 

What part of life confuses you the most? #postaday2011

I am confused by the inability of people to act when action is needed.

I am confused by people who have information, understand an issue, but choose to do nothing to change that situation to achieve social justice and equity. I am confused by individuals, organizations, and institutions who repeatedly do the same thing and expect different results. I am confused when an organization states that it wants to improve diversity and then proceeds to take every step that supports status quo. I am confused when the answer is apparent, achievable and action and steps are not taken.

I am confused by the inability of people to act when action is needed. 

Share one thing that you learned recently. #postaday2011

I learn more than one thing everyday. I would hope that we all do. Ideally many of these lessons would be about ourselves. While we learn throughout life, if we are paying attention, it is important to focus on ourselves, ourselves in relation to others, and ourselves in relation to the world. It helps to pay attention, reflect and see what is working out for you and what needs some work. As human beings, we need to focus on the learning that comes from being....not necessarily in the doing.

One thing that I've learned today is many people perceive me as angry....angry all the time. This surprises me and somewhat disturbs me. I don't feel angry all the time - I have fits and stops of angry and then lots of silliness, joy, love, caring, comfort, and peace. In my job I believe anger is a requirement. You know the old saying, "If you aren't angry you aren't paying attention!" That applies to my work daily.

I've learned that I should share the happy, silly, peaceful Penny with more people. Maybe they would want to be around me more often. This is a huge epiphany for me. Thanks for reading!

If you could go back in time and have a 5 minute conversation with yourself ten years ago, what would you say? #postaday

Penny, it is 2001 and if you are fortunate, you will turn 41 years old in October. I have five minutes to give you a bit of insight into you, your life, and life ten years from now. I've thought about this prompt for several hours and started writing a response several times. I found myself giving my 40 year old self lots of advice on what to do and then realized, I've already NOT done it and there is no way to re-do it - so that response to the prompt is ridiculous. So, what does my 50 year old self have to say to my 40 year old self? Simply this: hang in there, it continues to get better every moment, day, week, and year. Forty will be wonderful but fifty has been unreal! 

Have you ever lied about your age? Why? #postaday2011

Never lied about my age. People have argued with me about my age - thinking that I was younger than I am - but never lied. Now that this lovely grey hair has shown up on my head, I'm not arguing as much and honestly, it is a joy to finally look my age. As I've stated in earlier blogs, each birthday is a gift and a privilege. Looking my age is a bonus!

Would you rather be super intelligent or extremely good looking? #postaday2011

There is no question that intelligence out weighs looks. None.

Add super to intelligence and the is no question.

My looks have done little to make me happy. My intelligence has done everything to give me meaning, purpose and quality to my life.

I suppose both are somewhat subjective - who really decides or determine what is intelligent and good looking? Even those with high IQs can have areas in their life that are somewhat challenges. And being good looking doesn't come without a cost.

I suppose both super intelligence and good looks fad over time, making the question somewhat silly (actually I think this prompt was silly to begin with).

I will take super intelligence over good looks.

Describe your dream vacation. #postaday2011

My dream vacation includes:

• a cabin near water - frozen water
• lots of tall, tall pine trees
• a fireplace
• family
• snow - lots on the ground and lots falling each day
• many books and board games
• cross country skiing
• soup
• long underwear
• hot cocoa
• music - listening and playing and singing
• heavy quilts and comforters
• flannel sheets
• wool socks
• laughter and silliness
• homemade bread
• time together and time alone
• time....four weeks of time

My dream vacation does not include:

• television
• technology
• humidity

What's something you never believed until you experienced it? #postaday2011

This has been a difficult prompt for me to respond to. I'm not sure why - and I don't really worry too much about the "whys" in life anymore - they just are. I suppose I'm thinking too hard to find the "right" answer instead of the answer that is inside of me. For example, my initial thought was this prompt was looking for a response about the power of God or the power of unconditional love. Then I decided to not think about it and not write about it yesterday.

Today I have a different perspective and I'm ready to respond.

Many of my previous posts have been about my life, my response to life, and the consequences of experiences I've had. Much of the struggles I've had were of my own making. Something that I never believed in until I experienced it? My own power. My own skills and abilities to care for myself, my children, and others. I never believed in me until bit by bit I came back into my body and re-discovered me. Sadly, but finally, this happened around the age of 30 and life has been better each year since.

During my doctoral program I had many amazing faculty who taught me many amazing things. One in particular, Dr. Nana Osei-Kofi, taught me a particularly important lesson. During her class I would repeatedly preface was I wanted to say with, "I'm not sure if I'm getting this correct," or "I may be completely not understanding this theory." Dr. Osei-Kofi would catch me and say, "Honor your genius." This lesson has guided me since.

Today I believe in me and the power of what I know, can do, and can contribute. I wish all could experience this belief.

Describe the worst teacher you ever had. @postaday2011

I was a first year college student. He was the instructor of my Mythology course at Winona State University in Minnesota. I loved the topic and received a "B" in the course. He made inappropriate references to sex, women's body parts, asked about our "wild weekends" in class, and frequently talked about the amount of partying he did. I didn't recognize how inappropriate he was at the time or how his behavior was affecting me. I had no idea that what he was doing in class was wrong - I just knew if felt gross. 


I failed out of college in three short quarters - now I recognize the cumulative effect of his behavior, my philosophy professor's behavior, and a sexual assault I survived from a man I was dating was having on my ability to be a successful student.


After returning to college at the age of 31 years, I went through my papers from college the "first time" and discovered the depth of my Mythology professor's behaviors. On several papers he would make marks and add comments directly related to the content of the course and my writing. At the end of every paper he would add that he needed to meet with me in his office - or a threat that if I didn't come and see him soon, he wasn't sure I would pass the course. He made comments about my body, my eyes, my walk....etc. and talk about how much he was thinking about me. As a 31 year old re-reading the papers, I recognized what he was doing. As an 18 year old, I was uncomfortable but did not have the words to articulate why, nor did I know I could/should tell someone about his behavior. 


So, I failed out of college and enrolled in a technical college to train to be a cosmetologist in Winona. Eleven months after enrolling I was licensed and started working in Winona. Approximately one year later I was working the desk of the salon I was employed and a man walked in asking if anyone was available for a haircut. The man was my former Mythology professor. He didn't recognize me - at first - but I knew him immediately and was completely terrified! I was the only stylist open and decided to do the cut. As we walked back to my chair he said, "Have you been working here long? I don't think I've seen you're pretty face here before." As I asked how he wanted his hair cut, I noted that he wasn't looking at my eyes, but rather my chest, and I immediately got pissed! I started the cut and he started to talk nastier to me. He told me about his sex life, his fantasies and asked me about mine. I kept quiet and stayed focused on my task at hand - to cut his hair as fast as I could and as short I possible without using clippers. 


He had very thick, course red hair. I kept his face turned away from the mirror and cut! At the time I would take about 20 minutes to cut a man's short hair cut. This cut was less than 15 minutes. I did a quick check on my lines and turned him back to face the mirror while I grabbed my clippers to clean-up his neck. He said, "Jesus, what the hell did you do to my hair? I didn't tell you to cut it this short! I look like a fucking solider!!" I stood tall and looked at him directly in the eye (in the mirror) and said, "I didn't ask you to sexually harass me in your class - but you did. Lets consider this pay back." 


He paid his bill and tipped me a bit higher than the average customer. My manager was at the cash register when he paid and she noticed the "tension" between us. She asked me if I was OK and I told her about the experience I had in his classroom. Her response, "Hell, I hope we never see him in here again." I said, "I'm pretty confident we won't!" 


I worked at this salon for another 18 months and we didn't see him again. I lived in Winona 7 years after leaving college and this was the only time I crossed paths with the worst teacher I ever had. Lucky for him!!