The year was 1989. I was 29 years old and my children were 4 and 1. Their Dad and I had separated in July of that year and our divorce was finalized in December. Shortly after the separation I found myself needing help with rent, food, utilities, etc. I found myself, along with my two children, in line to sign up for welfare - AFDC (Aid to Families withe Dependent Children), Food Stamps, Medical Assistance, and Section 8 Housing. It was a humbling experience and one that I honestly think every member of society should experience to understand how this program is not a "hand-out" is a life surviving tool that must be available for when members of our society need it.
The paperwork involved in applying for the various assistance programs is immense and complicated. This complexity is compounded by the sense of fear and intimidation that the government program oversight has on your life. Every day on assistance I wondered if someone would be knocking on my door to say, "All right Penny, we have discovered some discrepancies in your application. If you can't pay us back right now, we will have to take you in." I didn't know where "in" was, but I knew that it couldn't be good for my kids or me.
I completed my applications and then the three of us waited in a room with many other women and children. The room would have been comfortable for 6-8 people and there were approximately 25 people in the room. Children were clinging to their Mothers, Mothers were taking turns sitting in the chairs, the wait was unnerving.
When I first met my case worker, her name was Carol, I wasn't sure what I thought. He desk was in a cubicle about 8X8 feet. She had piles of files everywhere, pictures of her family scattered about, and absolutely no privacy. I could hear women over Carol's walls crying, begging, and yelling at or with the case worker. I was terrified. Carol set to work on my application, which meant she sat in front of me and read everything that I had entered on each application. She didn't raise her eyes and look at me, she didn't say a word, she just read. This probably took 20 minutes. My 4 year old was curious and asked me a lot of questions about what were were doing. I tried to keep her still and quiet as I tried to figure out a way to explain what we were doing - I didn't have an answer for this innocent question. My 1 year old was still nursing and he must have picked up on my stress - and he nursed most of the time during the wait.
Carol finally acknowledged that we were in her cubicle and she said, "Well, everything looks in order. You should be hearing back in 10 days to 2 weeks." She went on and said the following, which answers the prompt for the post, "You know Penny - you're a young, cute woman. Are you sure you want to go through this process and participate in these programs? I'm sure you could find yourself a Sugar Daddy to take care of you and your kids." There was a long pause as I tried to comprehend what she was saying to me. My response was this, "Carol, I am here because of experiences I have had with men trying to take care of me. I need to take care of myself and my children. Why would I want to put us back in that situation?" She responded with "Ok....lets see what we find out."
I was on AFDC from 1989 to 1994 - it ended when I started working a graduate assistantship in graduate school and made $4 more each month than the AFDC check. I received $531 a month to take care of all bills. I received a variety of ranges of Food Stamps each month - depending upon what changes were made in the programs. The first time I bought groceries with Food Stamps we went around midnight. I was too embarrassed to shop when others were there. I wasn't sure if I could purchase soft drinks, ice cream, or snacks like chips etc. with Food Stamps - so I didn't. When I went off this program I had a supply of Food Stamps that lasted 9 months. Section 8 Rent Assistance made the difference in barely surviving and surviving. I stayed on this program until I finished my graduate degree and was employed full-time. Medical Assistance cared for my children's health and mine. There were several complications involved with this program - for example, in some locations there was not a doctor that accepted MA and we would have to drive 2-3 hours to find a doctor who would. This was complicated when I didn't have a car that was reliable enough to make that drive. Dental care always included a coordinated driver (usually a family member), time off from class and work, and strategic childcare. All dentists were 3-4 hours away from our current home.
When I was in my last year of graduate school, President Clinton signed a bill called Personal Responsibility and Work Opportunity Act" that changed everything about a woman/mother's choice. No longer could a woman choose to attend a four year college and attain a degree that wasn't considered "viable" - no longer could a woman choose to attend school full-time without working - parenting and attending school are not considered work. This alleged "welfare reform" put women in low-paying, uninsured jobs and kept the majority living in poverty. This was 1996 - the numbers of children living in poverty soared and no one paid attention or has paid attention to the cost this has had on society.
I was fortunate to complete graduate school in 1997. One of my last days on campus I was walking from campus to the free parking lot and I crossed paths with a woman who asked me for directions to the Admissions Office. I decided to walk back to campus with her rather than attempt to give her directions that she might not be able to follow. As we walked she talked about a recent divorce. She shared with me that she had four children all under the age of 10 years. She talked about being excited to start college - something that she had wanted to do before she found out she was pregnant with their first child and something that he soon to be former husband would not "allow" her to do. She was hopeful, excited, motivated, and happy. I was worried, hesitant, and fearful that she would not get the financial support needed to be successful. I was concerned that she would be re-directed to welding classes because that program would only take 11 months. I wonder about this woman and her family still today.
Education not only changed my life, it gave me a life. Perhaps the wackiest advice added to my determination to be successful. My hope is that every woman is able to find the path to her own success and personal growth - with our without wacky advice and the support of federal programs.
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