Parenting Adult Children - Joy, Privilege, and Laughs

My greatest accomplishment, the thing I am most proud of is how I raised my children. They have become the most amazing adults and I am privileged and honored to be their Momma!

Parenting adult children is something much different than the physical strain and exhaustion that goes with caring/loving little ones. When children can dress themselves for school, drive themselves to school and work, and schedule their own activities a parent hopes they have given them all the lessons they need to be successful in life. If not, a parent hopes that the child will ask for what they need help with to be successful.

Both of my children have done amazing things with their lives and themselves. They have positioned and prepared themselves in ways to say "yes" to the next exciting adventure that come their way. I am very proud of the adult humans they have become.

At times I can beat myself up for the things that didn't go so well as all three of us were growing up together. I moved them - a lot! Some of the relocations were because of my schooling, some their schools, one because of a break-in & burglary, and a few because I couldn't afford to feed us and pay the rent. We moved for jobs after I finished graduate school, we moved to upgrade the house/apartment, but we moved a lot - nine times in twelve years. It took a toll on the kids. They both told me at different times that "They WERE going to graduate from AHS," which meant we would not be moving for a bit. Since they both have graduated from high school, the eldest has had four apartments in seven years (all in the same town I live in); and the youngest three in four years (just three hours away). I think both could be moving again this year. So, while I wish we could have planted roots earlier, they are planted where they completed their high school years. As I said, I can beat myself up over this one - the silver lining is that they learned to be the new kids - a lot - they take care of new kids because they know that feeling, and they are both great a improvising.

I worry sometimes about the ways be being a human that I have taught them:

1. Control = safety. This doesn't work well if there is nothing to be afraid of or if your safety is not a concern. 
2. Accomplishing goals = happiness. It is the journey, not the destination that provides us the choice to be happy or not. Arriving and expected happiness will shower down on us isn't a realistic expectation.
3. Relationships take time and energy, limit how much time you'll give them if you have things to do. This isn't the best way to proceed in the world. Friends, family, and significant others are needed to get through the good and not so good moments, days, weeks, and sometimes months in our lives. Nurture relationships and help them grow.
4. Don't ask for help. We are all in this together. A sign of a healthy adult is the ability to raise your hand and ask for help.

It has been a joy being Liza and Scott's parent. They changed my life and gave me my life back simultaneously. It has been a privilege to watch them grown, change, and become who they were meant to be. Much of who they are comes from me, much comes from their Dad's influences too. And we cannot forget the laughs. The three of us had some many silly moments or days, frequently in the grocery store where they were trying desperately to get me to loosen up. I'm getting better at it now, perhaps we can return and I'll embarrass them?

Thank you Liza and Scott for picking me to be your Mom. Thank you for the lessons about life you've taught me. I am excited about the next year's adventures we will travel on together. I love you!

Mwah, Ahhh!